I grew up in a great Christian family -- I consider myself very blessed.  I also had the privilege of being brought up in a good church (twice each Sunday) and a Christian elementary and junior high school.

My earliest memories of pornography date back to elementary school.  I remember on the play ground the "cool kids" would joke about things I didn't understand.  They would laugh at their jokes and I remember feeling awkward, left out and inferior.  I didn't feel comfortable asking anyone -- friends or family -- to explain what I was missing.  I felt ashamed so I went out searching for answers so I could be "smart" too.  One day after school, from a distance, I followed the other boys to a fort they had in the woods.  After they left I went in and found my first stash of pornography.  I remember being intrigued by some and disgusted by others.  But this is how my 20+ year addiction began.  Early on it was a way to satisfy my curiosity.  Later I found myself turning to it if I felt lonely, rejected, tired or stressed.

I was always a really good kid.  An average student at first, I later excelled.  I always worked hard, never really got in trouble, and always had a desire to please God.  Through the years I became increasingly convicted that my use of pornography was wrong.  To some degree I must have always known this since I hid it, but my battle against it increased as I got older.

Since I was always too busy to get into God's word and too ashamed to get help, I resorted to the only means I knew of -- prayer and shear will power.  I would ask and plead God to take the temptation away...but I didn't believe I could be "complete" without it so I didn't pray too hard all the time.  I also had this nagging belief that I couldn't be free -- after all I had been trying for years and failed every time.  But I did believe I could go a day.  So during the "best years of my life" (post-college, working my "dream" job for my "dream" company) I put my shear will to work and slugged out my battle with pornography one day at a time.  ...completely on my own.  I could be pretty successful one day at a time, so I began stringing together days and then weeks.  Maybe even months.  But every time those condemning thoughts would come back -- "you're going to fall sooner or later so why not right now?  You can start over tomorrow.".

My battle started to turn around when I finally got involved in a men's small group Bible study.  They were studying Proverbs at the time I think.  One thing I do remember...  It was an existing group and when I showed up for my first week I was shocked to find they started each week with accountability.   I learned that first week that I wasn't such a freak after all -- 6 out of 6 VERY diverse guys were struggling with the same stuff.  I still couldn't talk about my battle for a while, but they were cool with that and slowly I began to open up and add a new weapon to my arsenal.

With accountability and pray partners my battle started going a bit better, but I still hadn't arrived.

Fast forward a few years...  Marriage to a beautiful and perfect wife didn't even fix it!  Even being open with her...  Even seeing how it crushed her...

I've been free for almost 2 years.  I have a new life in so many exciting ways.  I remember having feelings before that if I ever were to actually be free I would be "missing something".  Like I would have to give something up.  To someone not addicted, that may seem silly.  I'd guess more people can probably relate to watching too much TV.  They know they should cut back, but it seems like life just wouldn't be the same without being "up" on shows X, Y and Z.  Sounds silly, but it's silly things that keep us from living the abundant life that God has for us.  Like I said, I've been free for almost 2 years -- I can honestly say I've never felt better!  I don't carry that junk around anymore.  No more shame.  My marriage is awesome.  My wife knows she knows me and trusts me.  I don't have to hide anything from my boys.  Life is good.

So what's the trick?  Maybe "it" worked for me, but "it" probably won't work for you?  Come join with us.  God promises you freedom.  I remember not believing those verses or thinking I was misinterpreting them since they didn't fit my life...